The fact that a violent sport such as professional football is able to manufacture no shortage of divas straddles the fence separating amusing from disgraceful.
We watch anyway because it’s the NFL. Because our dads watched and their dads watched. It’s embedded. It’s who we are. Sunday afternoons are blocked off, our televisions reduced to single- or double-channel capability until the final whistle sounds.
Unfortunately, coverage is still dedicated to the pigskin divas, men absurdly set for life financially, yet still seek new and exciting methods of grabbing more spotlight. Call it football Botox, a means to maintain some semblance of attractiveness when you fear people have begun to look other directions.
The Mount Rushmore of NFL divas begins with Minnesota quarterback Brett Favre and proceeds, left-to-right, with Cincinnati receiver Chad Ochocinco, the presently team-less Terrell Owens and, finally, holdout extraordinaire Albert Haynesworth.
Consider:
• Despite modern technology geared to make communication simpler, Minnesota coach Brad Childress had to get on an airplane and fly to Mississippi for a second straight year to plead with the 40-year-old Favre to QB the Vikings in 2010. Can’t wait until Favre is 45 and he’s telling his wife, “Well, old Brad should be down here pretty soon to ask me back.” No, Brett, this will be the final time.
• The more Ochocinco, 32, dabbles in Hollywood, the wider the separation between he and Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer. First it was “Dancing with the Stars,” now the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson is the central character in a bimbo-fest entitled “The Ultimate Catch,” where 85 women without so much as a trace of self respect attempt to be No. 85’s love interest. Look for Harlequin Romance writers to take note real soon.
• When all is said and done, Owens, 36, will have Hall of Fame statistics, which is why it’s a shame he’s bulldozed his rep throughout his career with inane remarks and off-field behavior. Owens also has a television show, creatively named “The T.O. Show.” If this guy would just slip into retirement quietly, a place in Canton would be assured. Don’t hold your breath.
• Haynesworth’s recent skipping of a mandatory mini-camp with the Redskins apparently to force a trade seems a bit over the top considering the 6-foot-6, 350-pound defensive tackle makes a salary that equates to in excess of $59,000 a day (that’s a lot of rib-eyes, folks). This means Haynesworth’s bank account grows by something like $60 every time he exhales at a time when many Americans would give anything just to make minimum wage.
So there you have it, the NFL’s Diva Rushmore. Unlike it’s South Dakota namesake, no tours are available. Good thing. Considering the enormity of those four heads, it’s not the place to take children.
• Mike Beas is a freelance writer/columnist and Kokomo native who resides in Carmel. He may be reached by e-mail at mtbeas62@yahoo.com.
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